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We Did It!


I spent a little too much time with my family this holiday season. Family has a three-day maximum threshold. You guys, that really is in the rule book, and we should treat it as a commandment. Much like Vegas, time with family should be a 3-day/2-night or a 4-day/3-night stay at the absolute maximum. Otherwise, it’ll break you. I can’t help but think that other mothers felt the same way that I felt when I returned home to San Marcos after riding the Greyhound bus from Houston with two young boys and a giant bag of Mediterranean food…a giant “Whew”! #highfive #amiright? I’m so glad that’s all over. In the course of my holiday: I lost my purse; my kid had a cavity that caused his cheek to swell; I told my step-dad to STFU; my sister’s sister-in-law puked in the front bushes of my sister’s house; I peed in the bushes at a Chili’s; my kids rode go-karts, went ice skating and played putt-putt all for the very first time; I had to visit the Apple store the day before Christmas to get my phone replaced (really, they call themselves “Genius Bar”); day-drinking became a reliable facilitation strategy for holiday jolliness (i.e. pretending we all care about what’s going on in each other’s lives); and my new phone fell out of my pocket and landed in the spot where I peed in said bushes. We did it! I did it! Should I have been asked to share my experiences on LoveHays.com? Probably not. But honestly, it will be a nice outlet for me. Yes, for me. And hopefully, some of you might find it entertaining or interesting or helpful in making you laugh or feel better about your day. It’s designed to help ME because I genuinely struggle with the dichotomous logic that I am a normal mom or that I am a really weird mom.

**Random author’s note in the middle of a blog that she wrote**

(Hence the name “Martian Mommy”…get it? I’m a San Martian who has reproduced human children that I am responsible for as an adult. Yikes! And I have self-doubt. Like all moms. And the ones who don’t are completely lying. Seriously, stop lying. We can all have a better conversation if we talk to each other openly and honestly about our shared experiences residing on Planet Mommy. Here, let me start…)

**End of random note**

It’s not so much a struggle deciding what kind of mom I am. It’s more a struggle to decide when to “own” what kind of mom I am, and San Marcos has allowed me the space to do that. SMTX gives me the space to figure out how to raise kids and still be a functioning adult in society and maybe even to have a fun little adventure in the meantime.

For those of you that love Hays County and love San Marcos and love your kids, I don’t expect you to hop aboard my space ship. I’m just thankful that you’re letting me phone home on a weekly basis. Greeting, friends. It’s great to meet you. I mean you no harm.

Kelly Stone is a sexual health educator and college lecturer who likes to think of her stand-up comedy as “edutainment”. She began performing in 2006 at an open mic in Philadelphia and has been hooked on comedy ever since. She hosts the monthly Hot Mess Comedy Show at Bar 141 in San Marcos, speaks to various universities about anything they’ll pay her to talk about, watches Project Runway, and is still trying to figure out how to keep her bys from smearing Greek yogurt on the furniture. Follow her on twitter: @funnykelly or help stop her kids when they are trying to run across a busy street. There’s safety in numbers.


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Let's Get It Started

Yes, it's January 15th, and yes, I'm 15 days behind in what I said I was going to do. I even said it publicly, in a room full of people, that I was going to start doing this on Jan 1. Alas, I did not.

© 2023 by Kelly Stone: Sex Educator. Comedian. Baby Momma. Proudly created with Wix.com
kellystonecomedy@gmail.com

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