Isn't that cute?
The following blog is transcribed from my little black book that I carry around with me to write my thoughts. Almost all of my blogs are transcribed from this book, but this is the first time I'm acknowledging my process to you, the readers. Last night, I was sitting at a downtown cafe having a bowl of soup and a slice of pumpkin pie when I felt compelled to write. Here's what came out: I really don't even know what to write in this very moment. I picked up this tiny little eraser-less golf pencil and my notebook to start to write, but now that I'm holding it all,,,
Pffft... I got myself a little riled up about SNACKS and PUMPKIN PIE! I never realized how much the absence of SNACKS and PUMPKIN PIE on Thanksgiving would make me miss my family. I've spent the last three Thanksgivings with my sweetie's fam, and well, it made me miss mine. Which I don't do often. Miss them, that is. It sounds bad, I know. But see...I'M the liberal ONE! People talk about their racist uncle, like that's the outlier in the fam, but in this case, I'm the libtard aunt/sis/daughter outlier in the fam, and it's uncomfortable AF. Okay, I just overheard a long convo at the table next to me at the cafe, and it reminds me of a piece I wrote called "Bubble Girl" (or something to that effect) where a gal sitting near me was so involved in her own bubble that she had no idea how she sounded to other people sitting nearby. This gal, sitting near me right now, her story involved how great she was for being "casted" as an extra in an American version of a Swedish show she had found on Tumbler years before. Everyone else apparently worked SO HARD to study theater or drama or went to college to prepare for this BIG SHOT at working as extras in the background of a new show, but she was so spectacular because she made it to the extra slot without all that DUMB training. She talked about how she made a little circle of friends during the shoot "with cameras rolling and everything" and how there was "one gay guy" that "wasn't very nice" to her. so any time he spoke, she would turn her back to him while he was talking. He noticed her doing this and said, "Oh, turning your back, isn't that cute?" To which she retorted, "Oh, die of AIDS, isn't that cute?" and then supposedly *everyone* was like "ooooo, BURN!" So, yeah, I guess I DO get it now, and I see where all those white women supporting Trump and Cruz are coming from-- HATE. Okay. Back to this stream-of-consciousness-style writing I'm trying out right now. Did you know that Aldous Huxley wrote Doors of Perception while on LSD? He was an amazing author and thinker, and I very much respect his work. I fucking love cerebral shit. That was an intentional statement. I have so many things to say that I just want to scream them all out at once in different melodies and tones and depths by simply opening my mouth like a goddamn Pandora's Box-- Bam. Done. I said it. It's out. But no. I have to MAKE SENSE! And say things one at a time. Well, it's time. This is the chapter of my life that I need to take to just fucking write. Everyone keeps telling me to do so. It's time. I need to figure out my finances in having a life where I can just completely withdraw. For a minute. You guys won't even notice much. But, my god, a year On Walden Pond could be so damn productive. Now that homophobe gal over here at the cafe... She's talking about "the fellowship" and about people checking her and her faith and how they pray together n stuff. Oh wow. Now they are having a deep convo about The Church and how they are so open, spiritually. I did not see this plot twist. They really like what this new couple has brought to the youth group. (I'm starting to think she wasn't old enough to vote for Trump.) She's the burgeoning future. FUUUUUUUUUCK! They're now distinguishing between peeps who are "in The Church" and those that aren't. I think I'm supposed to be here. I'm supposed to be exposed to this. It's almost as though hearing this conversation is my punishment for not going home this year for Thanksgiving. I get to hear this kinda shit EITHER WAY! Did I mention that I live in Texas? They're discussing sexism in The Church now. Oh, and now the "actress" is sharing with her friend how she is able to work at a bar, underage, legally, and still drink cuz she has permission from the owner and the manager, and it's private property, so. Oh, and when she gets to work, she immediately pours 6 shots straightaway. So, now I understand the current state of affairs and all of it's idiotic complexities. Not really. What the fucking fuck is going on? How did we get here? No, it isn't cute.