I’m not sure when I realized that being a mom meant that I’d probably never get a full night of sleep for the next couple of decades, but now I am acutely aware of that fact. Many parents can empathize with the awfulness that is a baby’s sleep/eat/poop schedule (about every two hours), but after babyhood, my kids still wake up every night.
They wake up like popcorn…one up, one down, the other up, the other down…and before I know it, it’s 5:45 am. That’s when it’s time to wake up and set the stage for getting my kindergartener ready for school and to catch the bus at 6:45 am. Ugh. Why in the world does the school district here make the little ones start school earlier than the bigger ones? It makes no sense! I’m tired.
It also doesn’t help that my brain rarely shuts off. I’m always thinking of ways to try to improve my shows or jokes or recipes or why my cell phone is not getting much signal lately. (I know it’s because I dropped it pretty bad during SXSW, but I still like to come up with new theories.) I’m also thinking about emails or grading or deadlines or why some of my friends completely stop talking to me with no explanation or previous falling-out. I wake up thinking my alarm didn’t go off multiple times through the night, and sometimes the bar with “the best view in the city” plays music so loud that it rattles my windows.
I’m always trying to catch some good REM sleep--the kind of sleep that allows you to experience dreams--but often, my cycles are so off. I know I have taken on too many projects (per usual…in High School, I was little miss extra-curricular), and it’s really hard to say “no” to people and/or myself. As I’m chasing my goals/aspirations…my dreams, I feel like my need to get sleep becomes less of a priority and more of a luxury.
I blame myself, and not my kids for the lack of sleep in my life:
Why am I in a theater student’s play?
Of course, I can make that excel sheet.
Oh, that’s easy for me to grab those things at the store for you.
I’m feeling creative, and I should write until I can’t write anymore.
Maybe if I just take a 20-min power nap.
I know how to do that. I’ll take care of it.
Of course, I’d love to meet up and hang out!
Where are my keys?
I’m grounded until I finish grading these papers.
My apartment is disgusting.
My show ran late.
My bed is covered in clean clothes I haven’t folded.
Did I send that email?
And the thoughts keep going. No, I don’t have ADD or Bi-Polar. Yes, I’m super weird, and I own it. BTW—I feel asleep 3 times while working on writing this. *yawn*
Kelly Stone is a sexual health educator and college lecturer who likes to think of her stand-up comedy as “edutainment”. She began performing in 2006 at an open mic in Philadelphia and has been hooked on comedy ever since. She hosts the monthly Hot Mess Comedy Show at Bar 141 in San Marcos, speaks to various universities on many different topics, watches Project Runway, and is still trying to figure out how to keep her boys from smearing Greek yogurt on the furniture.
Follow her on twitter: @funnykelly or help stop her kids when they are trying to run across a busy street. There’s safety in numbers.
Tuesday, April 8, Cosmic Comedy Jam, Flamingo Cantina, 9:00 pm $2
Wednesday, April 16, San Marcos Game Night, 8:30 pm, Triple Crown, Free
Wednesday, April 23, Greeting from Queer Mountain, Cheer Up Charlie’s, 9:00 pm, Free
Friday, April 25, Hot Mess Comedy Show, 8:30 pm, Bar 141, $5
Tuesday, April 29, Funniest Person In Austin Prelims, 8:00, Cap City Comedy, $6/2 Cans
Wednesday, April 30, San Marcos Game Night, 8:30 pm, Triple Crown, Free